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Judy Thorburn's Movie Reviews

Blades Of Glory

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Judy Thorburn

"Blades Of Glory" Juvenile Sports Parody Dosen't Cut It

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"BLADES OF GLORY" JUVENILE SPORTS PARODY DOSEN'T CUT IT

Flick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha Chemplavil

First let me make something perfectly clear. I always walk into a screening with a totally unbiased approach. I have my favorite genres, but always expect to be entertained by all types of films. That said, I think I have seen every Will Ferrell movie he has made up till now and I still don’t understand his popularity and why he is such a big box office draw. Other than a deviation into a more serious role in Stranger Than Fiction, all I have witnessed from him, on the big screen is one lame brain, asinine comedic role after another. And, yes, you can add this, the worst yet, to that growing list.

In Blades of Glory, Ferrell is partnered with Jon Heder (still best known for his sleeper hit, Napolean Dynamite) as ice skating rivals who turn the sport upside down when they become the first same sex duo to compete in pairs. Heder plays Jimmy MacElroy, a one time ice skating child prodigy plucked from an orphanage and turned into an effeminate looking, blonde “uba” skater by his adoptive father (William Fichtner). Ferrell is Chazz Michael Michaels, his polar opposite, a dark haired, leather wearing, sex addict, exhibitionist, stoner on ice that gets all of his female fans swooning (I haven’t a clue why). As feuding adversaries, things come to a head when tying at the world championships. Upon sharing a podium they get into a fist fight which results in the two getting banned from the sport for life. Jimmy winds up working in a sports store selling skates to kids, while Chazz finds himself skating inside the costume of a cartoon like character in a children’s ice show called “Grublets on Ice.” It takes Hector (Nick Swardson) an overly devoted fan (make that stalker) to find Jimmy and inform him that a loophole in the rules enables him to return to the sport. While Jimmy can’t compete in the singles division, Hector tells him that there is no reason why he can’t return with a partner in the pairs competition. Of course the obvious thing would be for Jimmy to hook up with a female skating counterpart rather than his male enemy. But then we wouldn’t have this intended ludicrous, outlandish premise of a movie, would we?

After 3and ½ years of being away from the sport their coach (Craig T. Nelson) comes up with preposterous idea of having the two rivals train and skate together as the first ever male pair which soon grabs the attention of the sports world and the media at the dismay of incestuous brother and sister pairs team Stranz and Fairchild Von Waldenberg (a waste for talented real life husband and wife comedy actors Will Arnett and SNL’s Amy Poehler). Unhappy about losing the spotlight and as new rivals they devise a scheme to get rid of their competition. Jenna Fisher is cast as their younger, guilt ridden sister Katie, blamed for their parent’s death and forced to work as their slave. As Jimmy’s love interest (another unbelievable plot device that doesn’t work) she comes into play as part of a conniving set up.

I suppose if you are a fan of Will Ferrell and enjoy his continuous one note characterizations of shallow, vulgar, flabby sex obsessed men, you will be a happy camper because here we go again with more of the same. The only difference is in this go around the character Ferrell portrays exists in the world of ice skating and the visual and verbal gags revolve around straight men acting as gay as can be. “As if ice skating isn’t gay enough” one character says when hearing about the two former skating enemies joining forces. And they continue to poke fun at the gay aspect of the sport with a series of crotch grabbing and man on man physical maneuvers in their ice skating routine.

I wish I could say I laughed as hard as the two people who sat behind me. They seemed to enjoy every stupid gag and tasteless joke delivered. For instance, I fail to understand how vomiting inside a closed head mask is funny or watching someone pulling soiled toilet paper off the ground and into their mouth is hysterical. Disgusting is more like it. I am used to this kind of stuff from Ferrell, but Heder needs to find another project to show his range, if he is, in deed, capable.

At around 90 minutes, Blades of Glory is an overlong comedy sketch not worthy of Saturday Night Live. I couldn’t wait for it to end. Even Dorothy Hamill, Brian Boitano, Nancy Kerrigan and Peggy Fleming looked uncomfortable in their cameos while Scott Hamilton, took his role as sport commentator (which he now does in real life) quite seriously.

I know that millions of Will Ferrell fans are going to disagree with me, but I stand firm. Blades of Glory may try to go for the gold, but is a loser all the way to the finish.