Finick foreign flop shows some films should stay unseen

Director Michael Haneke’s Cache (Hidden) is a tedious tale about sins from a man’s childhood coming back to haunt his adult life. The rambling and circular story, uninspired acting and confusing conclusion make this movie a waste of time and film.

Georges (Pourquoi (pas) le Bresil?’s Daniel Auteuil) and Anne (Chocolat’s Juliette Binoche) star as a husband and wife who begin receiving anonymous tapes indicating their family is under surveillance.

As the tapes become more personal, Georges becomes more determined to discover the identity of the man behind the camera.

The tapes show the family entering and exiting their home — which although not particularly menacing is still disturbing for Georges. Wrapped around the tapes are obscure, childlike drawings that trigger distressing memories.

Initially, the tapes appear to be from a fan of Georges’ round-table discussion show. But soon the drawings lead the unfortunate protangonist — and even less fortunate viewers — to the home of a childhood acquaintance, and Georges’ past comes out of hiding. He believes the friend is embittered about his role in preventing his adoption.

Georges becomes embroiled in trying to escape from his past and in the process alienates his wife and son.

From the opening credits, when the name of each producer, director and lead is painstakingly typed onto the screen letter by excruciating letter, Cache is a trial of viewers’ willpower.

The movie contains a number of static shots of surveillance tape, and while the shots only last for a minute, they feel like they drag on for 10. Haneke seems determined to test his audience’s patience and loyalty with these visually tiresome tableaux.

The few shocking scenes in the film momentarily break up the mind-numbing monotony of the snail-paced plot. These sensationalist shots capture the audience’s attention, but they do not a movie make.

Numerous scenes are entirely unnecessary. After waiting patiently for these scenes to become significant to the story, it becomes apparent they have no meaning. The progression of the story is nonexistent — it simply repeats itself over and over.

As the movie rambles on, the scenes become increasingly less coherent. No real connection between the beginning of the film and its final scenes exists. Plotlines get picked up and dropped without any revelations. Friends are introduced and used as peripheral, ineffectual characters who were never required in the first place.

Cache’s final shot is especially exasperating. It does not depict anything. It does not add anything. It only further tries the patience of any viewer who sticks with this debacle until the end.

Cache’s characters are undeveloped, and Auteuil and Binoche are unimaginative in their portrayals of the stalked couple. Auteuil gives viewers little reason to sympathize with Georges, who is not especially kind or trusting of his family.

Binoche’s performance as the distraught wife is less unfeeling than Auteuil’s but equally irksome. She manages to garner the slightest bit of sympathy for her family through her concern for their safety, but most viewers will probably care more about the accused stalker and his family than about the supposed victims.

The most believable performance comes from Walid Afkir (Les Rois Mages), who plays the son of the accused stalker. His brief speech in defense of his father makes his small role the bright spot in this dreadful excuse for entertainment.

Cache is torturous to sit through. It has a beginning, a semblance of a middle and no ending. It is entirely unclear what the audience is supposed to take away from viewing this film.

The acting is uninspired. The plot is uninspired. The film is uninspired. Cache should have been kept hidden.