The Dukes Of Hazzard

Judy Thorburn

The Dukes Of Hazzard

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“DUKES OF HAZZARD” IS A ROYAL DISASTER

If you had no interest in watching the old Dukes of Hazzard TV series, why would you want to see the updated movie version? It’s not like the recasting of the show’s characters would create great anticipation. So, since I saw no reason to see the original 80’s comedy show about the shenanigans of good ole southern country boys, I wasn’t expecting much from the movie adaptation. And, after sitting through the film’s entire 106 minutes, I now realize that is understatement. Whatever goofy charm the TV series had, I failed to see it here. Director Jay Chandrasekhar (behind such duds as Super Trooper and Club Dread) fails to recapture any of the goods I might have missed.

The idea of watching what the occasional narrator called “cousins closer than brothers”, racing their beloved 1969 orange Dodge Charger, delivering moonshine, getting into fights, and acting just plain stupid, is not what I call entertaining. Add Daisy, the eye catching female cousin in tight micro shorts and cleavage revealing tops to occasionally help them out of a bind with the crooked county commissioner and the cops on his payroll, and you’ve got the picture. Jessica Simpson takes over Catherine Bach’s role, and besides talking in a southern drawl with minimal dialogue, Ms. Simpson’s only requirement is to show off her curvaceous body and be a flirt, never mind the one note blank look on her face.

Seann William Scott (in yet another dumb role) and Johnny Knoxville (from TV’s Jackass- how fitting) fill in for cousins Bo and Luke Duke played by John Schneider and Tom Wopat on TV. Fans of the series tell me that the movie is a faithful adaptation, but a little edgier. Translated, that means cruder language and lots more violent, but thankfully bloodless, action. Of course, this is all in the name of fun, because Luke and Bo are strictly out to just have a good time. For the boys, a good time is interpreted as anything that has them eluding the cops so that a car chase is in order accompanied by a scream of “Yeee-haawww”. And that’s really what this is all about; one high-octane car chase after another consisting of cars flying or spinning in the air, being side swiped, and crashing. Luke also likes to chase the ladies, and Bo is in love (literally!) with his orange ride, named the General Lee. But nothing gets them going more than a good over the top high-speed pursuit by the authorities. Dare to expect a worthwhile script to stand in the way. No siree!

The flimsy plot revolves around the hell raising country bumpkins’ effort to stop “the meanest, most crooked man in Hazzard County”, greedy Boss Hoggs (Burt Reynolds, sorry, but your Smokey and the Bandit days are long gone) from seizing their farm and turning it and the entire county into one big strip mine. How does the Boss plan on getting away with it? By having a public court hearing at the same time as the 7th Annual Hazzard Road Rally. The townsfolk’s attention would be diverted and no one would show up to object. That is, until Bo and Luke uncover his scheme.

Lending support (plotwise only) is Willie Nelson as the boys’ moonshine making, pot smoking Uncle Jessie telling one joke after another (a few DID make me giggle) and Lynda Carter in a do nothing role as Pauline (it’s not clear if she’s Jessie’s live in girlfriend or wife, but who cares). Word to Lynda - I wouldn’t brag about this being a comeback role, if I were you.

Others out to help the boys are ace mechanic Cooter, played by David Koechner, and Kevin Heffernan as safecracker Sheev, the constantly spitting wacko who enjoys killing helpless animals like armadillos and turning them into headwear. Needless to say, his character is humorless and disgusting. I was thisclose from calling PETA.

While waiting for this disaster to be over, I did find one scene amusing. Stuck in traffic en route to Atlanta, the boys are called hillbillies by passing drivers who catch a view of the Confederate flag painted on the top of their car. Bo and Luke respond by saying they prefer being called “Appalachian Americans”. That was funny, but not enough to save this loser.

To put it bluntly, Dukes of Hazzard is one of the worst films of the year. Lamebrain, juvenile, idiotic, is just a few adjectives to describe this forgettable flick. It should also make a statement when none of the original cast members show up for a cameo. Even some of the outtakes shown during the credits seem staged. So, why waste your time. In hillbilly jargon DOH is downright “Yeee-awwwful”.