The Flick Chicks

Jacqueline Monahan

Jacqueline Monahan's Five Worst Films of 2008

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Flick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha Chemplavil Jacqueline MonahanThis email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.">

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Jacqueline Monahan is an English tutor for the GEAR UP program at UNLV.
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Flick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha ChemplavilFlick Chicks Chick-O-Meter The Flick Chicks, film, video, movie reviews, critics, Judy Thorburn, Victoria Alexander, Polly Peluso, Shannon Onstot, Jacqueline Monahan, Tasha Chemplavil

The following productions would have done better to hand over their budgets to the floundering housing market; at least some good might have come from the expenditure.  Instead, we are left with the dubious legacy of the following:

Hell Ride

Violent, misogynistic, clichéd biker flick that takes itself much too seriously to even qualify as a guilty pleasure.  Instead, it just assaults and insults audience intelligence. Women are egregiously portrayed as disposable joyrides and the male mentality remains fixed at a seventh grade level.  Writer/director/lead actor Larry Bishop (son of comedian Joey), Michael Madsen, Dennis Hopper and David Carridine are just some of the leather clad, aging bikers who populate the desert in several warring gangs engaged in a revenge quest that includes bad dialogue, laughably pompous overacting, and slow, menacing glares that signal either that these guys have rich, powerful producer friends, or that they are delusional.  Or sadly, both.

Fool’s Gold

Director Andy Tennant lets Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey talk and talk and talk their way through the search for a sunken 18th century Spanish treasure.  Donald Sutherland is wasted as a tycoon who bankrolls the pair’s salvage effort (for a museum of course not for personal profit); their contrived love story is all the reward they seek.  Need I say more?  Even the fantastic scenery (Bahamas/Australia) can’t make up for the sinking plot.  Alexis Dziena provides even more ditz as Sutherland’s estranged, shallow, greedy daughter.  Ray Winstone and Malcolm-Jamal Warner must been lured aboard with the prospect of a free vacation.  Oh, yeah.  Bad guys are after the loot, too.  Surprise!  Actually, you won’t be with any part of this foolish endeavor.

Mamma Mia!

Director Phyllida Lloyd’s embarrassing musical screech fest (even the spoken word is delivered at a furious fever pitch).  Most numbers are cringe-worthy and the plot setup you must buy into can be summed up by the Shakespearean title, Much Ado About Nothing.  Streep looks fabulous and the land and seascapes of Greece are divine, but Pierce Brosnan’s singing and some of the Pied Piper-like dance numbers will have you wondering why this production didn’t stay safely contained on a stage, instead of scaring away the wildlife the way they must have.  If it’s a great musical you’re after, stick with the other “Grease.”

The Women

All you need is money in writer/director Diane English’s cliché-ridden second remake of the superior Cukor original. A particle-board of modern friendships (seemingly forced together and not naturally formed) spans all of the required stereotypes.  Annette Bening is the driven executive with no time for a meaningful romantic relationship.  Deborah Messing is the earth mother who can’t stop breeding. Jada Pinkett Smith, by virtue of being cast as a lesbian of color, covers all kinds of representational ground.  Heroine Meg Ryan is the betrayed wife, whose husband’s new squeeze, a sleazy Eva Mendes, works at the department store where all of the well-heeled women shop.  Candice Bergen, apparently available after her Sex and the City stint, appears as Ryan’s “look the other way” mother whose bankroll makes everything better.  Who couldn’t relate to that?  About 90% of women, that’s who.

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

Disappointing second sequel to the awe-inspiring original.  Brendan Fraser’s back, as adventurer Rick O’Connell, but Rachel Weisz was indeed wise to abstain from this Asian abomination that even Yetis couldn’t rescue.  Poor Maria Bello takes over the role of Evy O’Connell, and the once-hot couple is the now middle-aged parents to a grown son, Luke Ford, which effectively removes all of the fire and passion out of director Rob Cohen’s empty exercise in pointless action. Jet Li is usually a force to be reckoned with.  Here, he’s just a wrecked force.  Leaves one nostalgic for the days of virile, scarab-chomping Arnold Vosloo.

These five are among the worst of 2008 that I’ve seen.  I’m not able to comment on the PH (Paris Hilton) factor because I am one of the few people in the U.S. who have never laid eyes on one of her productions.  But don’t cry for me viewing public.  There’s always next year.

 

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